Begin again

Four years ago, I found myself on the verge of a number of big changes in my life. I didn’t fully know at the time what those changes would entail. I had recently graduated from college and was trying to build a life as an “adult” (although I’m not sure I fully knew what that meant) but mostly, I felt lost, aimless, and confused.

Some of the changes that occurred were painful. I lost my hero, my beloved grandfather, completely unexpectedly. I moved out on my own to a place that didn’t feel like home, and where I often felt lonely. I tried dating several men who seemed only designed to destroy my illusions, one after the other.

And yet, even though the changes were difficult, I found good things as well. I met the man who is the love of my life. I found a job with a wonderful company and managed to not only remain employed, but to succeed at a time when many were losing their jobs.

The past four years have offered few moments of pure good or pure bad. Instead, life, as always, has managed to be a wonderful, heartbreaking, complicated, and unpredictably beautiful thing. It hasn’t been easy, but I am tremendously blessed to be where I am.

Once again, however, I find myself standing on the edge of change. Just like four years ago, I feel somewhat unsettled, somewhat lost. In many ways I’m stable–still employed, we own a home, and I wake up every day surrounded by love–and yet, there is a hunger within me for something more. I can feel something is about to break or break free, although I do not know yet what it will be. I’m scared. I’m excited. I know that undoubtedly there will be some painful moments, but also that there are some wonderful things to come.

This blog is a place for me to process those changes–but even more, to get back to the writing I have always loved but have too often neglected since college. Here I will be sharing from our lives–stories, adventures, thoughts. I hope you enjoy reading along.

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